// Mind Over Matter
// Story: Trust Once Lost
// by Greenhorne
I stumbled out of the bathroom. I could feel everypony’s gaze pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. My vision was blurry as tears welled in my eyes.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry you stupid -
It was no use. Everyone could see me crying and they were probably all laughing at me. My chest hurt.
“Go away!” I screamed at the ponies looming over me, “Leave me alone!”
“It’s alright Green,” said Applebloom, “It’s just us.”
“I’m fine!” I sobbed.
“Yer not fine.”
I shivered as a much larger figure blocked out the sun.
“What’s going on here?” Asked Cheerilee.
“Ah think Green is having a panic attack.”
“I’ll be fine.” I grit my teeth. “Just go away.”
“You girls run along now,” said Cheerilee, “I think Green needs some quiet time to calm down.”
I inhaled, and felt the grass beneath my hooves, and the rough, cool, bricks of the wall I was leaning against.
I exhaled. Sweat had soaked into my coat and I shivered; thankfully it didn’t itch.
“I’m okay,” I said.
I want to die.
“Are you sure?” Asked Cheerilee.
I have to get out of here, everyone is looking at me.
“Okay,” said Cheerilee, “Well I just wanted to see you in my office.”
Oh thank god.
“You’re not in trouble.” She added.
Cheerilee’s office was larger than I expected. It was as wide as the classroom it shared a wall with and almost half as long. One long wall was taken up with pigeon holes and filing cabinets, the opposite wall was covered with children’s art projects; some appeared brand new while others were curling and yellowed with age. At the far end of the room, against the window, was a child-sized cot, partly obscured by a curtain, next to a white locker marked with a red cross. A door next to it led to what I assumed was a bathroom.
“Do you feel like you need to lie down?” Asked Cheerilee.
“No, I’m fine.” I said. “I just don’t want to go back out there.”
“There’s a bathroom here if you still need to go.”
I felt like I did, but I’d just been, so obviously it was just my stupid body being scared.
“I already went.” I said
“So why did you go in the colt’s bathroom?” She asked.
I felt the urge to facehoof. Instead I just groaned in frustration.
“Because I had to pee, alright?”
“What I mean is, why didn’t you use the filly’s bathroom? If you couldn’t find it, it’s just around the other side.”
“Because I didn’t need to pee anymore.” I snarked.
“Green, it’s important that-”
A blast of hot air came from my nose and I felt my forehoof scratching at the floor.
“If you think it’s so damn important why don’t you flip me over and check?” I growled.
Cheerilee took a step back.
“You’re not in trouble, Green.” Cheerilee repeated, “But it’s important that I know if there’s a reason you didn’t feel comfortable using the fillies’ restroom. Were the other fillies being mean to you?”
Cheerilee waited for me to elaborate.
Fortunately, the bathroom symbols were easy enough to understand. Two pony silhouettes, one with a dress. Unfortunately, I went to the ‘wrong’ bathroom on twenty years of habit.
“I really had to go, so I just ran to the first bathroom that I saw.”
“If you need to use the restroom during class all you have to do is ask.” Cheerilee said.
Cheerilee had been keeping a close eye on the filly during her first class. The fidgety behavior and lack of focus that she had been assessing as a potential behavioral problem, it seemed, had a much simpler explanation.
Thinking back to how painfully shy the filly was, it was easy to see what had happened. Which led Cheerilee to a potential scenario she decided to nip in the bud.
“If it’s too scary to speak in front of everyone, you can just go.” Cheerilee assured.
“It’s fine,” said Green, “I can just hold it until after class.”
“If you need to go, it’s better to just go,” said Cheerilee, “We don’t want you to have an accident.”