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nuts5.jpg
Fuggin Nuts
Anonymous
9PmiK
?
No.61616
61617 61618 61619 61620 61657 61830
That Bitch stares at Trump thoughtfully and appraisingly. At several moments she begins to speak, but then stops. Trump isn't sure if she's having difficulty formulating the words/response, or is unsure how to respond at all. At last, she appears to make some sort of mental connection, and her face brightens. She punches in her ID for a few moments, and turns back to Trump.
"You can have both," she says. "At first I was having trouble recalling this collection of knives, but then I remembered the meme that was shared," she says, holding up her ID to show them.

This thread continues the continuing RP thread that has been continuing - essentially every weekend (and much throughout the week) - and now continues. Playersfaggots are welcome to join, and shitposting/bantz - within reason - is open to faggots and spectators. It's D&D 3.5e+ rules (+ = whatever else we throw in), and since there's so many previous threads with far more effective OP descriptions I'll just get back to it.

Looking at the ID, Trump and Tracy can see a still image of a uniformed individual holding Tracy's Efficient Quiver, with a perplexed look on his face, facing the camera man. Pushing the screen, the image plays and displays the man slowly turning the quiver over and a broom closet full of assorted knives, daggers, kunai, and other assorted blades falls out onto the ground, along with a few pieces of ridiculously elaborate jewelry. As the last of the knives falls out on the floor in a pile about 8' around at the base and 3-1/2' tall, the uniformed man looks back at the camera and says, "What the fuck," before the video stops.
Did I mention that Trump is disguised as an Orangutan (a fashionable one named Clyde), and Tracy as a monster truck?

Meanwhile, Torcuil has been on an enjoyable impromptu date with Death, and has had a delightful time of it all. She's much less intimidating in a hoodie and sweat pants,... and without the skull-face (which is really just a mask that goes with the cloak) she's a pretty down to earth chick,... who goes around and collects the souls of the dead vocationally. They walk together through town after a lovely meal, returning to Trump Tower.

Stix and Snek are likewise returning to the Tower, having located Stix' prized dagger from the previous encounter/scrimmage with Thez.

Elsewhere, an adorable filly adds more sticks to her bundle. A statue of Alex Jones sits in the tower, looking very sad. A Yak is busy putting the Gestapo and the Generals through some martial training drills. Thez however,....
1269 replies and 69 files omitted.
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62915
62917
Okay first off, I'm going to use that first set of dice rolls as Trump's 'taking initiative' series of strikes.
mMD0+
?
No.62916
62918 62920
[1d100 = 44]
[1d20 = 20]
Fae and Stix need to roll initiative, and Trump lands two strikes before
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62917
62919
1048874__safe_artist-colon-accu_oc_oc-colon-aryanne_oc only_earth pony_eyebrows down_female_floppy ears_frown_pony_show accurate_simple background_solo.png
>>62915
Uh.... Let's go with the one where he waited until the third attack before rolling a 1
ed/oZ
?
No.62918
[1d20+6 = 13]
>>62916
Fae. I think she gets +4 initiative at least
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62919
>>62917
That's exactly what I meant
Unfortunately, while he hit with his first two strikes, that fumble results in Trump loosing his footing - and Vandereim - who spins about 10 feet away.
"Oh fug, I'm gonna be sick," the sword says as it clangs to the ground.
Tzjcc
?
No.62920
[1d20 = 19]
>>62916
Initiative for Stix
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62921
Alright. Order is:
Trump
Gaylord
Stix
Fae
mMD0+
?
No.62922
[1d20 = 11]
Gaylord performs a ranged touch attack against Trump, casting a black ray of crackling negative energy.
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62923
62924
Upon being struck by the beam - which does hit (no saving throw) - Trump feels noticeably weaker.
Tzjcc
?
No.62924
62926
[1d20 = 19]
>>62923
Stix shoots the fag spirit
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.62925
ovn77.jpg
>>62913

Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62926
62927
>>62924
His shot lands squarely in the creature's chest. However, it doesn't seem the least bit affected by it (damage reduction). It does seem angrier however
ed/oZ
?
No.62927
62928 62929
[3d20 = 16]
>>62926
Fae charges the creature, pouncing him, and ripping at him with Fang and claw
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.62928
>>62927
>Another Nat1
Alright, who has the saltwater?
mMD0+
?
No.62929
62932
[1d100 = 58]
>>62927
Fae gouges a chunk out of it with her teeth, and scores with one of her claws
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62930
... however she looses her footing and loses her initiative on the next round (initiative is temporarily 1)
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62931
Its now Trump's turn. He's prone, and Vandereim is 10 feet away, and he feels weaker than he did.
ed/oZ
?
No.62932
62933
[4d20 = 37]
>>62929
Trumpaladin quickdraws Sugoito, and full round attacks with slashes
"You must die NOW
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62933
>>62932
Uhm
>prone
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62934
62935
Trump can quick-draw Sugoito, and he can get up, but that's it for the round.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62935
62936
>>62934
Can he cast "remove nagative levels" on self and get up?
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62936
62937
>>62935
Nope, standing takes a standard action, and spells can't be cast while prone
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62937
>>62936
Trumpaladin lets out a mighty "REEEEEEEEEEEEE" and stands up with sword drawn and aimed at Blasphemer
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62938
62939
As Trump gets to his feet the creature hisses at him and drinks a potion, becoming immediately gaseous and insubstantial, but still visible and present.
Tzjcc
?
No.62939
62940 62941
[1d20-4 = 1]
>>62938
Stix uses Many Shot to shoot 2 arrows at this thing
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.62940
>>62939
Uh, I think you fucked up
mMD0+
?
No.62941
62945
[1d20 = 5]
>>62939
In case of manyshot, you would want to roll a 2d20, but since you already rolled one I'll do the other. Obviously, the first shot missed.
69J36
?
No.62942
[10d20 = 88]
Okay that's it, dice test
mMD0+
?
No.62943
[20d20 = 212]

Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62944
Both of Stix' shots miss. Oh wait, the creature is gaseous. They would have missed anyway.
ed/oZ
?
No.62945
62946 62947
[3d20 = 21]
>>62941
Fae keeps up the pressure, biting the air and clawing at it
69J36
?
No.62946
[1d20 = 10]
>>62945
>1
Well, this is shit
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62947
>>62945
Fae's biting and clawing passes harmlessly through the creature
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62948
62949
Trump's turn. The creature is gaseous and insubstantial, but still appears before him in its altered state, amused that such a simple effect seems to have completely neutered their ability to harm it.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62949
62951
>>62948
Trumpaladin moves back and picks up Vanderiem
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62950
62952
"Pony, reach into Fae's bag, and get out the orange Gatoraid"
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62951
>>62949
As Trump retrieves his sword, the creature flies 10 feet up, laughing inaudibly.
Anonymous
Tzjcc
?
No.62952
>>62950
“Ok.”
Stix goes to Fae and gets the Gatorade from the bag
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62953
Stix now possesses a flask of gatorade (holy water).
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62954
62955
Fae's turn,... though I'm not sure what effect she could have at the moment
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62955
>>62954
Fae falls back 10 feet to be next to Trumpaladin
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62956
With a Quick Action, Trumpaladin quick-mounts Fae, taking a 10 on a riding check, and holds his action/readies a full round attack for when the Blasphemer is in range
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62957
62958
Gaylord, feeling quite self-satisfied and realizing that he doesn't need to kill Trump and co., that it is far better off simply alerting its allies to their presence, begins to fly away in retreat.

It would say something to this degree, but it can't speak in gaseous form.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62958
62959
>>62957
How fast?
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62959
62961
>>62958
In gaseous form, it moves at 10'/round. As far as movement speed, it is incapable of escaping, but It can keep the gaseous form for,... a while
Tzjcc
?
No.62961
62962
[1d20 = 12]
>>62959
Stix throws holy Gatorade at the spirit
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62962
62963
>>62961
The flask passes harmlessly though it, because Stix neglected to open the flask.

I'm kidding

As the liquid strikes the creature, several affects occur. For one, the holy gatorade dispells the continuing effects of the gaseous form. In addition to that, the Gatorade burns the creature's skin like acid. It shrieks in sinister agony, as it falls to the ground.
ed/oZ
?
No.62963
62966
[5d20 = 68]
[3d20 = 38]
>>62962
Now release the held attack

Fae: Pounce and rip at it with Tooth and Claw
Bite Claw claw

Trumpaladin:"I shall smite thee with my mighty sword!"
Slashes. Smite evil on the first two and Feather fall, because why not?
Smite smite slash slash slah
mMD0+
?
No.62964
[1d100 = 76]
The creature is now proned, and,... ouch,... I don't think it made it after that
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.62965
62982
*hugs birdies*
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62966
62968
1284575__safe_artist-colon-pencils_limestone pie_princess celestia_princess luna_oc_oc-colon-anon_oc-colon-padlock_alicorn_belt_belt buckle_bracer_chok (2).png
>>62963
Trumpaladin scores a 20 on a smite evil attack with his highest base attack bonus and his sword of Sharpness

"FEEL THE POWER OF FOOTBALL MOTHER FUCKER!"
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62967
62973
"Good Job there pony... Looks like we got him"

Trumpaladin's expression returns to sadness,
"Now... let me finish up here... I was wanting to show you this place. These people. Under much different circumstances"
Trumpaladin continues the work of burning the bodies

Fae, however, does a scent check for anyone familiar
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62968
62969
>>62966
"Fool, I'M the Grounds keepeR! You cannoT defeat me ForeveR!" the creature rasps as in grows still, it body destroyed by Trump and Fae's vicious onslaught.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62969
>>62968
Fae: (over several rounds) Withdraw bottle of water, Bless water, pour water over Globalist
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62970
62971
Gaylord is kill, and silence again descends on the Football field. Upon further dousing the creature with Holy Ade, its body dissolves further until all that remains is its equipment which consists of,....
Bracers of Armor +4
Cloak of Resistance +1
Ring of Protection +1
Scroll of Summon Monster
Wand of Magic Missiles
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62971
>>62970
"Looks like we got some things for you little pony"

*helps dress up pony*

"Use this necklace to keep the ring on, since you have no fingers. It was used by Percival, one of my Broncos, as a sort of austere jewelry."
Trumpaladin says sadly
"I hope you can keep up the Football with it
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62972
62973 62976
Having successfully vanquishedish the grounds-keeper, the abomination that had been wrought on the Football field has been put to rest. A lonely breeze blows through Trump's magnificent hair as he contemplates his next move. Also, Stix has newer better.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62973
62974
>>62972
Well, Trumpaladin basically does these things >>62967 >>62972. Fae scent checks there and in the vicinity for living ponies or humans (Including Felicia and Slovenia)

Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62974
62977
>>62973
Oh Right. Trumpaladin casts "Remove Negative levels" on self. Or remove curse or something
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.62975
*brushes birdies*
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62976
>>62972
After Trumpaladin deconstructs the horrid display and burns the corpses of the Ghestapo and the Generals, he goes on Fae to check the Mill and the Harbor. Fae checks with her spot, listen, and scent skills. Any signs of life?
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62977
62978
>>62974
>remove negative levels
Good move. The spell was Enervation, which docked Trump 2 temporary levels

Now, when I say that there's no Port Barry, what I mean is that there's plenty of rubble and part of the wall is still standing. The remaining posts where the dock used to be is charred black, and the city seems to have been utterly razed by force and magic, some of which was bestial in nature. The mill is ash (sawdust fire, explosion, etc). There is no sign of life anywhere, and not for some time by the scene.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62978
62979 62981
>>62977
Damn.

"Well... I guess there is nothing more for us here. The others said they were going to Durpistan, and that is where we shall go"
Trumpaladin Rides on Fae, with Stix, to Durpistan, probably along the known road
Anonymous
Tzjcc
?
No.62979
62980
>>62978
“Do you think that place would have faired any better?”
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62980
>>62979
"No. In fact, it was razed in this sort of way before we even left. I expect to find even less of Durpistan than we found of Port Barry here. But it is where the others went, and we are stronger in a group."
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62981
62982
>>62978
They make their way to Durpistan along the devastated and windswept landscape. Only the howling of the wind greets them, as they plod along. As they near Durpistan, they see that it is still (news to them, but for prose) under seige, with the lizard-creatures growing more emboldened and attempting to invade the city. They also see that the mining operation has been resumed by foul creatures, with a cacophany of noise issuing from the numerous tunnel entrances.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62982
62983 62986
>>62981
Does any side of the city seem less besieged? And more to the point, to the lizards look like they can fly?

>>62965
>"Pony, where are you? We are outside of Durpistan"
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62983
62985
>>62982
>fly
No. The city - or what's left of it - (no one bothered to clean up the wreckage) is far more intact than Port Barry, and at the moment the invaders are being repelled by the countermeasures, which they can't detect from their position.
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.62984
>"Checkmate"
"For the last time, this is fucking Monopoly"
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62985
>>62983
Alright, Fae flies over the the Lizards and gives a mighty roar, and they fly into the city
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.62986
62988
>>62982
>'I'm on the upper spire'
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62987
62988
Flying into the city, Trump first notices the veritable moat of zombies along the inside perimeter of the walls, which effectively keeps the lizard-creatures from storming the city. In response to Tracy's missive, Trump can see distant movement on the indicated building/billboard.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.62988
>>62986
>"We're coming there. Tell the others"

>>62987
Trumpaladin directs Fae to fly towards the upper spire
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.62989
>one of the baby dragons runs across and knocks over the Monopoly board, which dispells the magic
"Lenos, could you take... Him? Her?"
Torc picks up the little thing and walks over to Lenos
>"Take care of it yourself, you need practice for you and Death's"
"gulp"
Torc wonders how much of an ass kicking he's gonna get for disappearing.
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62990
Meanwhile, in the Ninja-Turtles hideout.

Fae's roar echoes through the city, audible from the remainder of the party's position. The shadowy creature jumps up excitedly and runs from the room.
"Addy wait," Thez tries to stop her with little success. She sighs and looks at Infernius. "She has her father's recklessness."
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62991
62992 62993 62995
Alright. So is it safe to say that everyone is following after Thez, or are they still nomming? I mean, I'm sure Infernius is following, but I won't speak for the others.
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.62992
>>62991
Why not?
Torc hands the little dragon to it's father, kicks Snek, and the two follow Thez
Anonymous
YIwuo
?
No.62993
>>62991
Trumpaladin is going to the upper spire, since that is where Tracy said she was. He does not know where Thez is
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62994
62997 63000
Fae, Stix, and Trump swoop to the top of the building, where Tracy is wistfully lovin' on dem birbs, the birds themselves acting like oversized parakeets who have literally shit themselves in their excitement. Soon after, a shadowy figure emerges from the rooftop doorway, followed summarily by Thez, Infernius, Torcuil, Snek, and Lenos(?). The shadowy figure, a little shorter than Thez gasps in excitement, and runs up to Fae.
"Wooooooow! What are you?" she says, mystified by Fae's appearance.
"Addy, don't be rude. Pull your hood down if you're going to talk to people."
And with a quick swipe of her hand, she does so.

For the record, Addy is wearing fighting robes that have been enchanted with that Armor of Darkness thing we were geeking on about way back when. The clothing its self is not armor, but it is enchanted such that it can cloak her entirely in shadows at will, which is how she usually goes about it.

... revealing a cherubic caucasian teenager with hair only a few shades off of Thez' (more to the red spectrum) who is entirely wide-eyed at Fae.
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.62995
62996
>>62991
Tracy would be with her birdies until something more important was indicated to her.
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62996
62998
>>62995
Tracy is the one everyone is converging on at the moment, still lovin' on dem birbs
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.62997
63000 63002
>>62994
"Hi Stix, how was your trip?"
Snek glares at Fae
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.62998
>>62996
*Is still playing with birdies*
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.62999
63001
"So I guess you're all here. Now. I guess its redundant to say that its been a very long time," Thez offers. "Its,... its good to see you all again." She clearly is dealing with a torrent of mixed emotions, all the while keeping one eye on the juvinile in their midst.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.63000
63004
>>62994
Fae blushes in the way she can, and pulls her wings closer to herself.
"Why... hello, young... person. I am a dragonne, a sort of brass dragon-lion hybrid. And I am The Kitty Priestess of Football, American, and Elway. You may call me Fae. I have been sent here from the Gaurdinal Brigade to help spread the Truth of Football in this realm, under this Paladin here, whose patron is Trump."

>>62997
*Glares*
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.63001
63004
>>62999
"What happened to my Port? My Followers?" Trumpaladin says, almost interrupting
Anonymous
Tzjcc
?
No.63002
63003
>>62997
“Interesting. I believe we just melted a ghost of the homosexual variety. But the port is gone, everyone was dead, undead, and anything but alive I suppose.”
Anonymous
69J36
?
No.63003
>>63002
"Oh..."
>"Oh..."
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63004
63005 63007
>>63000
"A real live kitty?!" Addy squeeee's in excitement.
>>63001
"I take it you saw what is left of the Port then?" Thez sighs. "After you all,... left,... a number of things happened. What remains of the Port came at the hands of a group from the north. They call themselves Zionists. They forged an alliance with Soros, and collectively summoned him back into this world. They didn't attack, not at first anyway, they simply moved from nation to nation, assimilating everything through economics and legalities which frankly, are quite beyond me."
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.63005
63009
>>63004
Fae looks around, then moves closer to rub herself against addy.

"What happened to the Empire? The Court City? And who are these 'Zionists'? Are they outsiders? And why didn't the Golden Lady keep Soros at Bay?"
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63006
63008
"As their power and influence grew, they reached out to the Court, who with Soros' backing, they turned on and eliminated Kefka. Once that happened, they began a series of invasive decrees, each limiting - on pain of worse than death - the rights and potential of the citizens of the Port. Sparintenar was their first strike point. They were no match."
Anonymous
XUORR
?
No.63007
>>63004
What a Jewish way to take over the world.
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.63008
>>63006
"My men had been zombified. I take it the Court is still un-alive and well?"
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63009
63010
>>63005
"The travel ban only applies to outsiders entering. There's no prohibition against people from this world summoning them here. The Empire was brought under the umbrella of Zion, and as far as I know the Court still remains. My information is limited. I've,... we've been in hiding. Before the Zionists came, rumors started circulating that *I* was responsible for everyone's disappearance, and I was declared an outlaw. I assume that was also the work of the Zionists."
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.63010
63011
>>63009
"How have you survived for so long here? The wanted poster alone had enough information to lead us to your location"
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63011
63014
"I might have been more able to assist, even being declared an outlaw, except she came," she says, gesturing to Addy, who is now carefully petting Fae, still mystified.
"I always wanted to see a real Kitty Kat, mom says they're the cutest," she absently wonders.
>>63010
"Oh, they've always known where I've been. After having a price on my head, I moved here with Kiynen and her eggs. Well, they're not eggs now, but at the time. But from my position, I couldn't interact with the Port or all of the Abyss would be wrought on the citizens. Soros doesn't believe in the death penalty, but he does believe in guilt by association."
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63012
"It is only recently that they've taken an interest in our position here,...." she says, with a hint of irritation, as she looks at Addy while sating thus.
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63013
63014
"What happened to your men, and to the Gestapo was by decree of the court. Apparently something about Football is diametrically opposed to Gay marriage, which is something of a religion for them. They decided that an example was to be made, this after carting off and enslaving the remainder of the Port."
Anonymous
ed/oZ
?
No.63014
63015
>>63011
Fae listens intently, but lets herself be pet and purrs softly

"Well who is she? Is this Infernius's Daughter, Adolphina Preston?"
Trumpaladin looks to see if she is indeed a cow human elf dwarf hybrid

"Wait. Kiynen is still here?"

>>63013
"Those Bastards! You couldn't stop them?"
Anonymous
mMD0+
?
No.63015
63019
"So there you have it. Cardishore was destroyed for providing people with hope and excitement, and for associating with Port Barry. Sparintenar was razed for possessing military capacity. Krenshall was also supplying Port Barry, but they were determined,... useful. And even though he has complete control over the world now - excepting this disaster of a city - he's preparing for something bigger. You've seen the mines? They've been extracting at break-neck speeds for months now."
>>63014
"I wasn't there. I only heard about it in the aftermath."
A>"Its ADELINE Adolphina Preston Al Thez," Addy says with a bit of pride and satisfaction at the attention."
T>"Yes. This is Addy. She, Kiynen, her sprouts, and this city is essentially all that is left of the world you knew."